So the other day, I got chatting to a new lady at work.
And, about two minutes into the conversation, she just looked at me and said - "You talk a lot, don't you?"
Which made me laugh. Because I do!
I actually love meeting new people and finding out lots of things about them.
But also - it's deliberate.
It's something I learnt from my Journalism days.
I used to be super nervous interviewing people when I first started out. But once I relaxed and got more confident, and stopped thinking about how I was feeling and more about how the person I was interviewing was feeling, I started to feel like I was learning a lot about human nature.
For instance, I used to have to wear suits for work. And I noticed that if I wore a suit to an interview and my manner was quite formal, then the person I was interviewing would react back to me in the same manner.
But - if I was more relaxed and chatty, that in turn would make the person I was interviewing relax and open up a bit more as well. Which, by the way, is why playing bad cop at an interview is such a DUMB thing to do! Much better to relax your interviewee so they allow their 'true' self to come out.
The other really important thing I learnt was about really listening to people's replies, and being willing - and able - to go off-piste from time to time.
Because you could go to an interview with a set list of questions (which would probably be the same set of questions most of the other journalists would go with) - but if you were willing to veer off the subject a little if someone told you something interesting, you'd end up finding out so much more about that person. Plus you'd get the different angle, or 'scoop', that every journalist hungers for.
A lot of people ask stuff, but aren't necessarily that interested in the reply.
For instance, if you ask someone how their weekend was, most of the time most people want the reply to be a quick - 'good thanks, you?'
But what if it's not good? Do you really want to hear the answer?
What if you follow up, and the person you're chatting to starts telling you everything that's going on in their life, and all you wanted was a quick reply... then what?
Personally, I like following up on questions. Not everyone does - but following up with people often makes for the more interesting conversations. And by having a 'proper' chat - as opposed to the 'small talk' - you often find yourself bonding with that person, and feeling happy about the fact you asked.
I used the example of someone telling their friend that their weekend was 'Meh!" before changing the subject and asking them how their weekend was. The other person could have brushed over the 'Meh' and just gone with 'my weekend was good thanks' - but they didn't. They followed up.
Which led to them finding out what was REALLY going on in that person's life.
Personally, I love those unexpected conversations when you find out loads of random facts about someone. It's so much better than just a load of small talk.
Which is why I came up with this...
If You're Going To Have A Conversation With Someone, You Might As Well Make It A Good One.
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